Birth Story

My last post is kinda funny considering that I went into labor not too long after posting it! Maybe there is something to the full moon theory - God chosen tool to bring Cambrya into the world?

Short version: Labor went well, it was tough, but I'm very glad with my decision to be at home. It was exactly what I needed for Cambrya's birth. She was born without any complications to me or her.

Long version: this will include words like placenta...blah blah so if ya don't want to read about that then see the short version again LOL

Saturday 8-13
7pm Labor started Saturday evening around 7pm. Nate and I found a refrigerator on craigslist for our kitchen that had a working ice maker and went to check it out, with Silas of course. I noticed I was having more contractions on the way there and I briefly mentioned it to Nate. In the process of talking to the fridge man, paying, loading it up, I had 4 contractions. When we got everything settled and hopped (yeah, I wasn't hopping let's be honest!) back in the truck Nate asked about the contractions, "It seems like I'm having one about every 10 minutes" "Ok, so you should have another one in 3 more minutes"....3 minutes go by..."are you having one??" "Um,...yup one is starting now." We stopped at Walmart so Nate could run in and get chicken food. The whole way home he was predicting when I should be getting another contraction and saying that I was in labor. I wasn't convinced yet because I had experienced regular contractions a couple different nights already buuuuut these were stronger so maybe.

42 week picture, in the morning before labor started

10pm
Contractions have still been going for the last 3 hours but nothing that was painful but definitely stronger than any of the contractions I had on other days. I texted my midwife and let her know that it seemed like I was in labor. She told me to go to bed and get rest because I would be thankful if labor continued....I didn't go to bed, I had a fridge to rearrange! Our friend Matt Cox came over after Bible study to help move the fridge inside. We stood in the kitchen talking for a while, waiting for the new fridge to cool off enough to load food into. At some point during this conversation the contractions became kinda irritating so that if Nate or Matt were to talk to me I would have waited until the contraction ended to talk. I think Matt could tell and offered to leave, knowing I was in labor but I told him that I would be doing the exact same thing whether he was here or not. So here I was perched on the kitchen counter - how I was able to hoist myself up there I'm not really sure - transferring food until about 11:30pm. Favorite quote, upon walking into our bedroom Matt, "hmmm, it smells like contractions in here" LOL In the back of my mind, I was rereading Christy's (midwife) text telling me to go to bed.

12pm
Finally in bed, the latest I've gone to bed in a while. I told Nate that I would try to sleep but if he heard me get up not to worry. I would get him if I needed him but laying down didn't seem like it was going to be comfortable. Definitely NOT comfortable. I laid there for maybe 30 minutes.....contractions laying down were horrible! Like I thought I was gonna die if this was just the beginning. So I used the lap top to start timing the contractions and then I would try to fall asleep. I would have contractions that were every 7-10 minutes lasting any where from 30sec to 1 minute but it was never really consistent so I didn't feel like I should call my midwife in the middle of the night. I went to the bathroom a LOT! Every couple of contractions so I was kinda glad to be the only one awake, just doing my own thing. I would have preferred sleep though. Closer to 3 or 4am I had bloody show which was a relief to me because it meant I was actually in labor. Like the annoying contractions that had me awake weren't confirmation - whatever, I was tired!


Sunday 8-14
7am
Everyone is awake and the sun is up, yea!!! I'm not alone any more and it's time for FOOD! I'm so hungry cause I've been up for. ev. er! I get Silas and start cooking eggs and potatoes. Nate, Silas and I chow down and I get a message from Christy. She is in town for another birth and wants to come over before church instead of our planned appointment that afternoon. I tell her that would be great because I am in labor as well and I 'm not going to church. Nate and I are a little bummed because Christy is with another client so we know that we could end up being with a back up midwife but that's ok if it happens. It would just be great to have Christy since we know her best.

8:45am Christy and Robin arrive :) I'm excited to see them because I want to hear what they think - how soon is this going to happen?! We talk on the couch for a little bit as usual and I stop whenever I have a contraction. I feel kinda like a show at this point lol because the conversation kinda stops when I have a contraction. I'm pretty sure that Christy and Robin were watching me and trying to get a feel for how I was handling contractions and where I was at. We head to the bedroom about 9:30 for an exam to see how labor is progressing.  Christy: "Shalane (with a semi surprised look) you are 8cm" Nate and I: "What? Really?!" Christy: "Yes and baby is very very low. Well, let's unpack our stuff because we are not going anywhere. You are going to have a baby in a few hours." Ok at this point I'm shocked but happy because I'm thinking that labor really isn't bad. I'm fine. I can't believe that I'm that far and I'm wondering how much pain I'm really going to have to experience. Uh, yeah, it hurts. Just not yet.

This is what I did during contractions along with deep breaths

After that contraction ended

9-12 Things stay pretty much the same during this time period. Contractions are closer together and more intense but I am still talking between them like normal and just pausing for contractions. Kathy is here at this point, helping Nate with Silas and cleaning random things because she feels like she needs to be doing something. Classic - we are boiling a pot of water for sterilization - isn't that what you're supposed to do? Boil water? ha ha that's what everyone joked with me about before hand. Christy suggests that I get into the birthing tub and that it may help to speed things up. Knowing that things might get intense, we decide to get Silas down for a nap first. We get him down for a nap and then I hop in the tub. Nate and Kathy are hanging out in the room talking to me and ordering pizza. Pizza sounds SO good at this point but I do NOT want to throw up. I really really don't want to throw up so I know that I am not going to be eating pizza. For some reason I had this idea in my head when I was pregnant that I was probably going to get sick during labor so I was trying to avoid this. My contractions actually slow down in the water. This was probably because I was hanging out talking to Nate and Kathy about pizza toppings and such hee hee. I think that Christy suggested that Nate and Kathy come out or maybe just Kathy....I really can't remember if I was by myself or with Nate (oops!).

Getting into the tub

Ok labor, let's go!

Hanging out ordering the pizza that I so desperately wanted

 Aaaaaaand then it all becomes fuzzy as far as timing goes because labor really started for me - I know it was all labor but I mean the work started so ya know, the labor started, whatever, you get what I mean right?
I hang out in the tub facing out with my head on a towel for most of the time. I was facing the board that I made with the Bible verses on it. Eph 2:10 encourged me as I thought of this labor and baby as a good work that God has given me to do. Ps139 reminded me that God knows exactly what is happening with my body and how long things will take. He has this all under control Ps121:7-8 God will keep me from harm and again He is watching over my every move and He has planned those moves. I can trust that He has my life in His good, loving and tender hands.

Someone was having fun

 Silas wakes up from his nap between 2-3pm. I am in a decent amount of pain during contractions and I realize I am in transition. But why has it already been 2 or 3 hours?! I thought this was the short part? I don't know how much longer I can do this - I just know I can't do this another several hours...Apparently I can because I did LOL Even though those were my thought I don't ever remember thinking that I might have to transfer to the hospital for an epidural or any other reason. After a while Robin and Nate started pressing on my hips during contractions because they were becoming more intense. I don't know that it really felt good but it just made it to where I couldn't move much. That was good because some of the contractions made me want to get up and run away.

During a contraction, counter pressure.

 Kathy had taken Silas to her house when he woke up but she came back over, leaving Silas with Kyle. I'm not sure what made her come back but I'm glad she did. Having someone else familiar was comforting. Someone who knows what I'm like on a daily basis to gage how I'm doing and she has a baby of her own. Even if she had Maggie under different circumstances - she has delivered without a surgery. I remember going to the hospital when Maggie was born, as we were leaving I just looked at down the hallway and said to Nate, "Wow, she just had a baby! I mean she pushed Maggie out! This is crazy, I know it's nothing new but Kathy did it! " I was totally amazed
 The midwives would suggest different positions here and there and usually I think I told them I didn't know if I wanted to try something else but then I typically would do it UNLESS it was food or water. I would take minimal sips of water to appease them but I think those sips were pretty useless. At some point when I was so stinking tired and they knew I needed to keep my sugar levels up - I was given a Dum Dum - blue raspberry - it was fine for like 5 seconds and then it became the most sour thing ever so they gave me a different one....GRAPE! If you know me, you will know that that alone should have made me throw up LOL I tossed it out over the edge of the pool and I remember Christy or Robin (my eyes were closed) laughing and saying, "Well, I guess she doesn't want that."

   Eventually Christy checked me while I was in the pool and I was still 8cm, which kinda discouraged me because I didn't understand how it could have been so long and nothing changed. She said that Cambrya was even lower and that she could break my water if I wanted her to, it would likely speed things up. Whenever I thought of speeding things along, I thought it would mean more pain, which it would so I didn't really want to do that. I don't think I ever really acknowledged that she had offered because I was having an internal battle. I had lots of normal thoughts during labor but I didn't really talk much. I remember thinking about how you are supposed to make low, open noises - like AHH, OOOO so I would have a crazy mean contraction and I would scream and then start thinking, "no no no!! you aren't supposed to do that! Remember low noises" so then I would try and make a low noise. I seriously felt like a crazy person and that I sounded like one. Then there was the crying noise. I say noise because tears weren't coming out but I sounded like I was sobbing away. Can you cry without tears? Anyways, I just couldn't use my energy to talk to people except for telling them how tired I was. SO tired, I'm SO SO TIRED and weak. I prayed that God would give me the strength I needed. And I told Christy that I would no longer be a perfect candidate for a non-crazy looking labor video LOL My eyes were almost always shut and when I tried to open them to focus on Christy reassuring me or to find the straw for my silly water sips, I would have a really difficult time keeping them open.

Ok moving on, my water breaks on it's own in the pool so I didn't have to do anything. I don't know how long after this but the midwives suggest hanging on Nate so I try that, it's the same but they can tell that I am still not really pushing all the way. (that scary pain would come and I would fight it and then at the end of a contraction, I couldn't fight so I would have to push)

Christy helps me feel where I should be pushing during some of my contractions - "Oh great! The worst pain in the worst place possible and that's what I am supposed to keep doing?!!" Well, at least at this point I know that I have to deal with that pain. Ok so now I know what I should do - the thing I have been avoiding and only doing at the very end of a contraction. Let's do this and get it OVER!

I get out of the tub and sit on the toilet at Christy's suggestion (don't worry she wasn't gonna fly out into the toilet, trust me, nothing was flying out) and I'm holding onto a pillow while Kathy rubs my back. This part is where it got crazy crazy hard. I am really pushing here. Contractions were almost constant and the urge to push was the whole contraction. So I just grabbed the pillow and made my crazy noises into it while I was pushing. I liked that my crazy noises were being muffled and I would remove it from my face to breath and go right back in.

They tried to encourage me by telling me to feel Cambrya's head "right there" No, it was not RIGHT there. In my world she was still UP in there LOL....right there in my world means the head is almost out! Is she ever coming out? Is she really any lower? What the heck is taking so long?! I some how manage to eat a popsicle and it was the "world's best popsicle" they took it from me so I could do something and guess what happens to it? Nate eats it! WHO DOES THAT?! LOL LOL LOL
One last suggestion of a position change - let's try some pushing in the bed which is the last place I pictured being. Ugh, I have to move again? Good thing there are a bunch of arms helping me to get there. I really am exhuasted at this point and I don't get why it has been so long - I thought people pushed for like 30 minutes! Christy was so calm and confident the whole time. As she talked to me telling me that I was doing great - I believed her because she has way more experience than me. I'm do thankful that she was there the whole time.
Back to the bed -This is where it all goes down. And I can't really show ya any pictures so here is a face shot only. I know most people only post the cute/pretty pictures but I will show what pushing is really like med. free - it HURTS! and it's WORK people!

Nate has one leg, Kathy has the other, Christy is ready to catch and Robin has the camera now let's bring this sweet, slimy baby out already. I push and it hurts like mad - like nothing I have ever felt. Kathy and Nate start squealing about how they can see her move and then that she has hair, lot's of hair and it's dark. When I would push and feel that horrible feeling they would all tell me, "yes! that's the right kind of pushing. you're doing it! She is moving! I can see her right there" Then Kathy starts to cry with excitement and then Nate starts crying......and I yell (not in a mad way just a fact) I. WANT. HER. OUT! I start pushing as hard as I can and Christy tells Kathy to get some olive oil to help stretch my skin. Kathy comes running back and pours olive oil on, "more" -"ok" and she coats everything in the room with it LOL just kidding but I could smell the olive oil ha ha I push hard for as long as I can with each contraction, gasping for air between pushes like I'm diving underwater and then the burning feeling comes and then BAM, her head is out. Christy tells me to pant at this point I think (not really sure)  Christy had to get lil girls hand out before the shoulders because it snuck up there. Then I can push again. Out come the shoulders and then Christy tells me to reach down and grab my baby. I reach down and pull Cambrya out and up onto my chest. Christy removes the cord from her neck which hadn't caused a problem at all.

It was hard to see her because she was right under my chin.

Daddy checking out his little girl. Clearly I am a sweaty and tired mess!

I'm done! I'm done! I did it! I did it! Eww, this blob of gooey baby is on me! LOL She is mine but she is all slimy!And she does have dark hair, what in the world?! I'm SO happy to be done more than anything.   Cambrya is wide eyed and quiet just checking things out. She doesn't cry. Just lays there calmly. WE don't cut the cord. We just let the placenta finish it's job and allow all the blood to return to Cambrya.

I'm not sure how long after but I feel a cramping sensation and Christy says that means I can push and out comes the placenta. It's done providing everything she needs and Nate cuts the cord. I actually liked that part - it meant I was done being pregnant and officially done with labor. We successfully VBACed at home. It really does feel like a team effort - we birthed a baby - everyone played a part in this.

Beautiful little girl

All I want to do is take a shower and eat that pizza! Kathy brings me pizza, strawberries and sweet tea while I lay in bed with Cambrya on my chest. Enjoying this moment with her. I needed to keep her on me so that her body temperature would be nice and warm. She nurses a little bit and all is well! God has blessed us with a safe and healthy delivery without complications.

Being silly getting my PIZZA!

Silas meeting Cambrya for the first time. He has liked her from the start! He kept pointing and saying "ew, ew!" thought because she hadn't been cleaned up yet hee hee

And just to brag about my husband a little - check out my breakfast in bed!

All of the success during the VBAC was God's work. By His grace, He allowed us to be safe, healthy and to have the strength needed for the birth. He is the one who knew exactly what my body needed to experience, He knew when labor would start, and how long it would take, who would be there and every pain that I would experience. He is a kind and loving god and I knew that I could trust Him through the pain and exhaustion. He is faithful to keep His promises and even if something hadn't gone as expected (like how long it was taking in my mind HA!) that too would be through His hand. He is in control! How comforting is that! Praise God for all that He planned out and carried out during Cambrya's birth. He is the one who deserves the credit and praise for all the good we experienced!

Silas is really interested in baby sister Cambrya. Yesterday he sat down next to me and demanded that she be placed on his lap - but he thinks he can pick her up just like a toy truck LOL He grabs both sides of he and just tries to lift her up and plop her on his lap. Then he grabbed a blanket to set on top of her (you know face and all).
He heard me ask Nate to get her blanket and next thing I know Silas is standing at the edge of the bed handing me the baby's blanket.  He thinks her umbilical cord is quite gross and he will point at it while saying EWWWWW! I think he wants to do whatever I'm doing and right now that is sitting in bed with the baby so he wants to help with that.
He is acting very emotional though. Nate is trying to figure out what to feed him and what it is he is asking for but a lot of it ends in fits/tears. It's hard for me to sit here in the bed and just let Nate take care of him. I know Silas so well - I mean there are times when I think someone snuck a different kid into my house but generally I get him. I know that he is so excited to have his Daddy around but a little confused too. I feel like I need to be up and caring for him. Buuuuut I'm supposed to stay in bed so I'm here, in bed!

What I've been feeling over the last week

8-7 Sunday: I had been having contractions now here and there for the last couple of days. It was kinda cool to me because I never felt any contractions with Silas so this was a new feeling. Sunday night we were watching a movie and I could see that I would have one about every 10 minutes but they were not intense at all and not increasing in intensity. As we got into bed I thought that I might be woken up in my sleep with the real deal. Nope, it all went away.    

8-8 Monday: nothing special happening, still having contractions here and there. 

8-9 Tuesday: first sign that something might finally and actually be happening - lost plug. Christy, the midwife, thought that maybe I would be calling her that night with something more happening since I had been having contractions and cramping buuuut nope. All day nothing changed. Cambrya did go crazy that night before I went to bed and I thought she was just going to claw her way out LOL
8-10 Wednesday: Christy, the midwife, came and saw me. We talked briefly about sweeping my membranes. After checking me (that was super uncomfortable because it was causing crazy cramping), I was 3 cm and 80% effaced but my cervix was not ideally squishy for sweeping my membranes. Christy thought it would only lead to contractions that would eventually die out and frustrate me. But the good news is that Cambrya was very low, 0 station, with her head right up against my cervix. This means once I do start having labor contractions, they will be very efficient.
8-11 Thursday: I really thought tonight might be the night for some reason - NOPE
8-12 Friday: nothing - praying that God would bring her soon and give me patience if it's going to be past 42 weeks.
8-13 Saturday: I'm thinking this girl really isn't coming out. I am having stronger contractions but still
very irregular. Strong enough to make me squirm a bit. At this point I've tried every 'natural' way to get
labor started except castor oil and I really really really don't want to try that. I guess if it is between trying that and getting a csection, I'll do it. Tomorrow I see Christy again and we will talk about natural nudging methods. Tonight is a full moon!

...still no baby

...still no baby but at least God used His word to change my perspective in the last post :) I really do feel more patient and relaxed after looking through the Bible to give me the right perspective! Anyways you can read that below if you want but here is the 41 week shot

Getting ready to go fishing/walking to get baby sister out

He woke up from his nap and the birthing tub was set up. He ran across the room yelling, "Cool! Cool! Cool!" and then asked to get in it and play :)

Suckers are SO good!

No baby....yet

If you are reading this then that means you care about us and want to know the latest with the pregnancy. Well, it is still a pregnancy. I feel a bit frustrated today because I'm just ready. It's not so much a physical thing. I know that most women are so tired of being awkwardly large, having to pee every hour or being sick. I'm not that girl, I'm ok, my body is doing just fine - I too want my body back but it's not miserable. The really hard part for me right now is that my brain will not stop thinking about labor and I am tired of that. I don't want to think about myself any more. I don't want to wonder what every movement 'means' or little pain 'means'. I don't want to hope for some happy sign every time I have to pee. Or to be thinking about my water breaking or when this all will start. That is just tiring! And I think it really has made me lose focus of what is important. So I know that it sounds like I'm complaining, and yeah, I kind of am buuuuut it's so I can slap myself in the face and say GET OVER IT!

This is about God's timing. How can I forget that?! How can I forget in the midst of all this to think about the big picture. We are being entrusted with a child to raise in fear and awe of the Lord - to share the gospel with daily. He has blessed us with a little girl who is going to be here very soon even if those hours until then seem long- it will be exactly as He intended and on the day he has planned.  
Psalm 139:13-16 

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 

   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be.

He has given us a precious little toddler that I can enjoy these moments with until he becomes a big brother. Silas isn't perfect but there is nothing, NOTHING, like snuggling with him and reading or watching a movie or hearing him call, "Moooooommy!" from his crib. Yes, I have to be patient and wait but the result is so worth the wait.  I have a job to do even while I wait.
 Deuteronomy 6:5-9

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

My heart  is prone to loving 'me' right now. Listening to the world say, "do something nice for yourself everyday. Spoil yourself. Go out to eat, get massages, pedicures, treat yourself like the princess of the woooorld!" All my strength going into thoughts of myself instead of my strength and thoughts goig towards what pleases the Lord - I can be praying for Cambrya and Silas now and teaching Silas and practicing this myself as this passage commands me to do.

Unlike me, God is so patient with His impatient children, who don't act like they are told to act or listen the first time. (thankfully 1 John 1:9) I'm just realizing as I write this how much I am like my little Silas - stomping my feet and collapsing in frustration because I'm not getting my way. Man, that boy is impatient. God should be picking me up, spanking me and putting me in my crib. 

And here comes the spanking:

Psalm 144:3-4

³ LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
   mere mortals that you think of them? ⁴ They are like a breath;
   their days are like a fleeting shadow.

Psalm 8

¹ LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth!

   You have set your glory in the heavens. 
² Through the praise of children and infants
   you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
   to silence the foe and the avenger. 
³ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
  the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
   human beings that you care for them?^[c]

 ⁵ You have made them^[d] a little lower than the angels^[e]
   and crowned them^[f] with glory and honor. 
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
   you put everything under their^[g] feet: 
⁷ all flocks and herds,
   and the animals of the wild, 
⁸ the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea,
   all that swim the paths of the seas.

 ⁹ LORD, our Lord,
   how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Clearly, I needed a time out. 

ROCK camp, 40 weeks and other stuff

First up, some pictures of Silas from ROCK camp and such.

First time at the beach since last Christmas - he LOVED it! The sand, the waves, the birds - look at that happy face!

Part of a group challenge was to cover a team member in as much Chipotle foil as possible. We were only given three pieces of foil so Silas became the model

Playing with the light switch in the guest house at camp. The perfect little kissy face - all clean and ready for bed

Camyrn took this picture of Maggie and Silas - precious! Camryn is going to take some maternity pictures as well.

Maggie, this is how you sweep the gravel all clean

He loves playing in the boxes we bring home from Costco

Here are some maternity pictures that one of the college students, Brooke, took. Silas wasn't really cooperating this day and it was really really windy but she got some good pictures still. Another one of the college students is going to take some pictures tomorrow also. We have some talented students!

Several people have asked: "How's the whole midwife thing going? Are you liking it?"

This quick little video shows exactly the difference in care that I have experienced. 

While I had Dr. that was good and caring - they were also very busy. Mine did have a fish tank though hee hee but I don't think that could have distracted Silas for the 40 minute average wait time :) 

So yes, I am liking it! I feel very well cared for as she has gotten me be hydrated probably for the first time ever in my life. Also the supplements I'm taking have greater benefits than just a prenatal vitamin - thankfully I'm able to take them without any problems since I'm not sick. Plus she has a whole library of books I've borrowed, she's able to answer questions in text messages or emails. The other day she called the dentist office for me to verbally allow me to get my teeth cleaned at 5:25pm - that would NOT happen with an OB! Christy actually knows Nate and Silas and what our home environment is like which makes her all the more qualified to care for me :)

40 weeks - she's cooked!
Maybe the last weekly belly shot - I think I will try and take one when I realize I'm in labor this time :) My official estimated due date is Monday the 1st. So far I haven't felt anything but I promise that either Nate or  I or someone will update on FB so that you can pray for us and of course we will want to show off our little girl as soon as we can! I am ready to have my body back - I get it back in some ways once she is born and I can't wait to be COLD again! I am not used to this whole loving fans and sweating business. What in the world?!

39 weeks

I am 39 weeks pregnant and I am totally ok with being pregnant still. I know some people are dying at this point and while there are some discomforts...I still have things to do! LOL We are going to try to paint our kitchen - because we are crazy, this is gonna be a mess, huh? And I have a dentist appointment on Monday. I kinda hope to get my hair cut before Cambrya's arrival too.......See, we are too busy to have her yet ;) Just kidding! That's not what really what makes me ok with it.

I'm ok with being pregnant until Cambrya's ready to come because:
.... babies come when they are ready
(confession time)
.... I am slightly anxious about how Silas is going to do, I'm worried that his sweet little heart will be broken when he sees us holding the baby - I will be bringing this before the Lord because I know it shows a lack of trust in His plan for our family. He will either prevent this from happening or give us the strength and wisdom to work through it
.... I like sleeping through the night! I can see that I am selfish in this respect though - sleep is so temporary compared to the gift of raising a child to love the Lord. I want to be able to say that I am willing to wear out my life for the gospel and the primary people I share that with are our children. My joy form knowing Christ cannot be diminished because I have less sleep or personal time or freedom - our kids need to see that I am willing to serve in all circumstances AND with JOY!

Will you pray for me as a confess and repent of these things?
Here is the belly shot - yeah it's out there!