What I've been feeling over the last week

8-7 Sunday: I had been having contractions now here and there for the last couple of days. It was kinda cool to me because I never felt any contractions with Silas so this was a new feeling. Sunday night we were watching a movie and I could see that I would have one about every 10 minutes but they were not intense at all and not increasing in intensity. As we got into bed I thought that I might be woken up in my sleep with the real deal. Nope, it all went away.    

8-8 Monday: nothing special happening, still having contractions here and there. 

8-9 Tuesday: first sign that something might finally and actually be happening - lost plug. Christy, the midwife, thought that maybe I would be calling her that night with something more happening since I had been having contractions and cramping buuuut nope. All day nothing changed. Cambrya did go crazy that night before I went to bed and I thought she was just going to claw her way out LOL
8-10 Wednesday: Christy, the midwife, came and saw me. We talked briefly about sweeping my membranes. After checking me (that was super uncomfortable because it was causing crazy cramping), I was 3 cm and 80% effaced but my cervix was not ideally squishy for sweeping my membranes. Christy thought it would only lead to contractions that would eventually die out and frustrate me. But the good news is that Cambrya was very low, 0 station, with her head right up against my cervix. This means once I do start having labor contractions, they will be very efficient.
8-11 Thursday: I really thought tonight might be the night for some reason - NOPE
8-12 Friday: nothing - praying that God would bring her soon and give me patience if it's going to be past 42 weeks.
8-13 Saturday: I'm thinking this girl really isn't coming out. I am having stronger contractions but still
very irregular. Strong enough to make me squirm a bit. At this point I've tried every 'natural' way to get
labor started except castor oil and I really really really don't want to try that. I guess if it is between trying that and getting a csection, I'll do it. Tomorrow I see Christy again and we will talk about natural nudging methods. Tonight is a full moon!

...still no baby

...still no baby but at least God used His word to change my perspective in the last post :) I really do feel more patient and relaxed after looking through the Bible to give me the right perspective! Anyways you can read that below if you want but here is the 41 week shot

Getting ready to go fishing/walking to get baby sister out

He woke up from his nap and the birthing tub was set up. He ran across the room yelling, "Cool! Cool! Cool!" and then asked to get in it and play :)

Suckers are SO good!

No baby....yet

If you are reading this then that means you care about us and want to know the latest with the pregnancy. Well, it is still a pregnancy. I feel a bit frustrated today because I'm just ready. It's not so much a physical thing. I know that most women are so tired of being awkwardly large, having to pee every hour or being sick. I'm not that girl, I'm ok, my body is doing just fine - I too want my body back but it's not miserable. The really hard part for me right now is that my brain will not stop thinking about labor and I am tired of that. I don't want to think about myself any more. I don't want to wonder what every movement 'means' or little pain 'means'. I don't want to hope for some happy sign every time I have to pee. Or to be thinking about my water breaking or when this all will start. That is just tiring! And I think it really has made me lose focus of what is important. So I know that it sounds like I'm complaining, and yeah, I kind of am buuuuut it's so I can slap myself in the face and say GET OVER IT!

This is about God's timing. How can I forget that?! How can I forget in the midst of all this to think about the big picture. We are being entrusted with a child to raise in fear and awe of the Lord - to share the gospel with daily. He has blessed us with a little girl who is going to be here very soon even if those hours until then seem long- it will be exactly as He intended and on the day he has planned.  
Psalm 139:13-16 

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 

   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be.

He has given us a precious little toddler that I can enjoy these moments with until he becomes a big brother. Silas isn't perfect but there is nothing, NOTHING, like snuggling with him and reading or watching a movie or hearing him call, "Moooooommy!" from his crib. Yes, I have to be patient and wait but the result is so worth the wait.  I have a job to do even while I wait.
 Deuteronomy 6:5-9

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

My heart  is prone to loving 'me' right now. Listening to the world say, "do something nice for yourself everyday. Spoil yourself. Go out to eat, get massages, pedicures, treat yourself like the princess of the woooorld!" All my strength going into thoughts of myself instead of my strength and thoughts goig towards what pleases the Lord - I can be praying for Cambrya and Silas now and teaching Silas and practicing this myself as this passage commands me to do.

Unlike me, God is so patient with His impatient children, who don't act like they are told to act or listen the first time. (thankfully 1 John 1:9) I'm just realizing as I write this how much I am like my little Silas - stomping my feet and collapsing in frustration because I'm not getting my way. Man, that boy is impatient. God should be picking me up, spanking me and putting me in my crib. 

And here comes the spanking:

Psalm 144:3-4

³ LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
   mere mortals that you think of them? ⁴ They are like a breath;
   their days are like a fleeting shadow.

Psalm 8

¹ LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth!

   You have set your glory in the heavens. 
² Through the praise of children and infants
   you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
   to silence the foe and the avenger. 
³ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
  the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
   human beings that you care for them?^[c]

 ⁵ You have made them^[d] a little lower than the angels^[e]
   and crowned them^[f] with glory and honor. 
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
   you put everything under their^[g] feet: 
⁷ all flocks and herds,
   and the animals of the wild, 
⁸ the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea,
   all that swim the paths of the seas.

 ⁹ LORD, our Lord,
   how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Clearly, I needed a time out. 

ROCK camp, 40 weeks and other stuff

First up, some pictures of Silas from ROCK camp and such.

First time at the beach since last Christmas - he LOVED it! The sand, the waves, the birds - look at that happy face!

Part of a group challenge was to cover a team member in as much Chipotle foil as possible. We were only given three pieces of foil so Silas became the model

Playing with the light switch in the guest house at camp. The perfect little kissy face - all clean and ready for bed

Camyrn took this picture of Maggie and Silas - precious! Camryn is going to take some maternity pictures as well.

Maggie, this is how you sweep the gravel all clean

He loves playing in the boxes we bring home from Costco

Here are some maternity pictures that one of the college students, Brooke, took. Silas wasn't really cooperating this day and it was really really windy but she got some good pictures still. Another one of the college students is going to take some pictures tomorrow also. We have some talented students!

Several people have asked: "How's the whole midwife thing going? Are you liking it?"

This quick little video shows exactly the difference in care that I have experienced. 

While I had Dr. that was good and caring - they were also very busy. Mine did have a fish tank though hee hee but I don't think that could have distracted Silas for the 40 minute average wait time :) 

So yes, I am liking it! I feel very well cared for as she has gotten me be hydrated probably for the first time ever in my life. Also the supplements I'm taking have greater benefits than just a prenatal vitamin - thankfully I'm able to take them without any problems since I'm not sick. Plus she has a whole library of books I've borrowed, she's able to answer questions in text messages or emails. The other day she called the dentist office for me to verbally allow me to get my teeth cleaned at 5:25pm - that would NOT happen with an OB! Christy actually knows Nate and Silas and what our home environment is like which makes her all the more qualified to care for me :)

40 weeks - she's cooked!
Maybe the last weekly belly shot - I think I will try and take one when I realize I'm in labor this time :) My official estimated due date is Monday the 1st. So far I haven't felt anything but I promise that either Nate or  I or someone will update on FB so that you can pray for us and of course we will want to show off our little girl as soon as we can! I am ready to have my body back - I get it back in some ways once she is born and I can't wait to be COLD again! I am not used to this whole loving fans and sweating business. What in the world?!

39 weeks

I am 39 weeks pregnant and I am totally ok with being pregnant still. I know some people are dying at this point and while there are some discomforts...I still have things to do! LOL We are going to try to paint our kitchen - because we are crazy, this is gonna be a mess, huh? And I have a dentist appointment on Monday. I kinda hope to get my hair cut before Cambrya's arrival too.......See, we are too busy to have her yet ;) Just kidding! That's not what really what makes me ok with it.

I'm ok with being pregnant until Cambrya's ready to come because:
.... babies come when they are ready
(confession time)
.... I am slightly anxious about how Silas is going to do, I'm worried that his sweet little heart will be broken when he sees us holding the baby - I will be bringing this before the Lord because I know it shows a lack of trust in His plan for our family. He will either prevent this from happening or give us the strength and wisdom to work through it
.... I like sleeping through the night! I can see that I am selfish in this respect though - sleep is so temporary compared to the gift of raising a child to love the Lord. I want to be able to say that I am willing to wear out my life for the gospel and the primary people I share that with are our children. My joy form knowing Christ cannot be diminished because I have less sleep or personal time or freedom - our kids need to see that I am willing to serve in all circumstances AND with JOY!

Will you pray for me as a confess and repent of these things?
Here is the belly shot - yeah it's out there!

Super Silas and 38 week belly shot

Just a series of pictures of Silas being SUPER SILAS!

Starting the morning off right with pots and pans on the couch

Jump on the horse! Yeehaw!

Rearrange and climb into the butter boxes

Mom? I'm SUPER Silas - I need BIGGER boxes!

See! This box is so small - I'll crush this thing! ARG!

RUN!!!

RUN!! or FLY!!

Fight off the black beast to secure the majestic scroll

BAHAHAHAH!

I love his face here

Finally, Super Silas has secured the scroll - now he will take a nap ;)

belly shot

Anthony, Christina and Giana's visit

Another 'just like daddy' picture

We just had a great week with Anthony, Christina and Giana. It was nice to have family come visit. There is something special about family - it's not like having a guest in our home, which we enjoy anyways, but family is like having a piece of you back together again. I have to say that Ant and Christina came ready to serve us - but we were hosting! Anthony made some delicious meals - I'm sad he left me with a craving for a philly cheesesteak like I've never had before - SO yummy! Christina was so sweet to always do the dishes. I know it may not seem like a big deal but before they left, they washed our sheets (they stayed in our room so that Silas could keep his crib) and made the bed - so we were able to just jump back into our bed, ahhhhh. More than those acts though we just really enjoyed being with them. We had so much fun as Ant explored with excitement Trader Joes, the livestock auction, the local winery, fishing the aqueduct- coming home with his sleeves missing??? What happened out there?! LOL Just being able to laugh and talk in person with them was such a blessing to us. We miss our family a ton!

We took a trip south so Anthony could visit the Shimano warehouse and then we headed over to Huntington Beach - via GPS - which had our final destination as the ocean - and we didn't realize it until we were stuck in traffic on a 2 lane road in a small little town 3 minutes from being in the ocean! HA HA Trust me - no one wants to be stuck in traffic when Nate is the driver and has control of the window locks - ugh!!

Thankfully the babies did pretty darn good with a few crying spells here and there. The weather at the beach was great and we spent the next day relaxing at the pool after a yummy breakfast. It was so so nice. And Matt made this possible by getting us the hotel room with his hotel rewards. On the way home we stopped at Lucille's BBQ and Bass Pro Shop. Where I learned my lesson of not bringing a diaper bag into the restaurant - being a mom is always an adventure when you are changing a diaper in the bathroom. Lesson learned! I also learned that Silas is not safe if he is sleeping on the edge of the bed next to Nate - after I heard the thump in the middle of the night. I sat up and this was our conversation - I shouted, "Nate!", "What? Oh you scared me." "Nate get Silas! He is on the floor crying!" (while grabbing Silas) "Oh, you really scared me" And then Nate was back soundly asleep. Of course my yelling woke up Giana too but both babies went back to sleep pretty quick.

Balcony of hotel room

Morning snuggles on the balcony

Swimming with Daddy

He fell asleep by the pool on my lap. SO sweet!

He is a slow waker and wanted to fall back asleep on Daddy once he finally did wake up. How precious these moments are, especially knowing that he is growing so fast!

Speaking of babies. Silas is not really a baby anymore! He was a little unsure of Giana at first but by the last day (of course!) He was sharing his snacks with her, crawling on the floor to make her chase after him and waiting at the bedroom door for her to come out in the morning buuuuut that doesn't mean he wanted me or Nate to hold her - at all. Gia is a very relaxed and friendly baby so she took the traveling well and also some of the punishment from Silas well too. Here is proof that there is hope that he just might like being a brother....maybe. I think he noticed that everyone would give him tons of praise when he shared with her or did something nice so he liked it.

The other baby, Cambrya, has hiccups right now. I had a midwife appointment on the 10th. I am 37 weeks and a few days.  I've gained the exact same weight as I did with Silas and my belly is measuring right on. Sweet little girl is head down and engaged in the pelvis which my midwife says usually means the baby will come within 3 weeks - I told her not to get my hopes up! But my hopes are up. I feel like I am constantly wondering what the start of labor will look like for me and how I will handle the really hard part of labor. I am looking forward to meeting this little girl and seeing what she looks like. Also to being able to  sleep more comfortably. I know that I still won't sleep through the night but hopefully I will sleep better and not so restless. At the same time - I'm not ready for her to come. I am so enjoying our family of 3 and some of the flexibility we have now. I look at Silas sometimes and I don't want his sweet little heart to break when I am not able to love on him as much. I am slightly anxious about how he will respond when he first meets Cambrya - will he just be so sad that mommy is in bed with a baby? It makes me cry to think of not being able to explain things to him yet he is going to have to deal with it. I feel pretty emotional this week in general - I feel like crying every time Nate goes to work - I just want him to be here. Is this part of the end of pregnancy? Anyone else experience these things? Maybe it's the nesting phase of just wanting to have the family here at the house and spending out time together.