No baby....yet

If you are reading this then that means you care about us and want to know the latest with the pregnancy. Well, it is still a pregnancy. I feel a bit frustrated today because I'm just ready. It's not so much a physical thing. I know that most women are so tired of being awkwardly large, having to pee every hour or being sick. I'm not that girl, I'm ok, my body is doing just fine - I too want my body back but it's not miserable. The really hard part for me right now is that my brain will not stop thinking about labor and I am tired of that. I don't want to think about myself any more. I don't want to wonder what every movement 'means' or little pain 'means'. I don't want to hope for some happy sign every time I have to pee. Or to be thinking about my water breaking or when this all will start. That is just tiring! And I think it really has made me lose focus of what is important. So I know that it sounds like I'm complaining, and yeah, I kind of am buuuuut it's so I can slap myself in the face and say GET OVER IT!

This is about God's timing. How can I forget that?! How can I forget in the midst of all this to think about the big picture. We are being entrusted with a child to raise in fear and awe of the Lord - to share the gospel with daily. He has blessed us with a little girl who is going to be here very soon even if those hours until then seem long- it will be exactly as He intended and on the day he has planned.  
Psalm 139:13-16 

¹³ For you created my inmost being; 

   you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; 
   your works are wonderful, 
   I know that full well. 
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you 
   when I was made in the secret place, 
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; 
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book 
   before one of them came to be.

He has given us a precious little toddler that I can enjoy these moments with until he becomes a big brother. Silas isn't perfect but there is nothing, NOTHING, like snuggling with him and reading or watching a movie or hearing him call, "Moooooommy!" from his crib. Yes, I have to be patient and wait but the result is so worth the wait.  I have a job to do even while I wait.
 Deuteronomy 6:5-9

⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

My heart  is prone to loving 'me' right now. Listening to the world say, "do something nice for yourself everyday. Spoil yourself. Go out to eat, get massages, pedicures, treat yourself like the princess of the woooorld!" All my strength going into thoughts of myself instead of my strength and thoughts goig towards what pleases the Lord - I can be praying for Cambrya and Silas now and teaching Silas and practicing this myself as this passage commands me to do.

Unlike me, God is so patient with His impatient children, who don't act like they are told to act or listen the first time. (thankfully 1 John 1:9) I'm just realizing as I write this how much I am like my little Silas - stomping my feet and collapsing in frustration because I'm not getting my way. Man, that boy is impatient. God should be picking me up, spanking me and putting me in my crib. 

And here comes the spanking:

Psalm 144:3-4

³ LORD, what are human beings that you care for them,
   mere mortals that you think of them? ⁴ They are like a breath;
   their days are like a fleeting shadow.

Psalm 8

¹ LORD, our Lord,how majestic is your name in all the earth!

   You have set your glory in the heavens. 
² Through the praise of children and infants
   you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
   to silence the foe and the avenger. 
³ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers,
  the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, 
⁴ what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
   human beings that you care for them?^[c]

 ⁵ You have made them^[d] a little lower than the angels^[e]
   and crowned them^[f] with glory and honor. 
⁶ You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
   you put everything under their^[g] feet: 
⁷ all flocks and herds,
   and the animals of the wild, 
⁸ the birds in the sky, and the fish in the sea,
   all that swim the paths of the seas.

 ⁹ LORD, our Lord,
   how majestic is your name in all the earth!

Clearly, I needed a time out.