1 month already!

Me and the pumpkin at the patch


That's right, Silas is 4 weeks old today! It seems like it has gone by fast so far. Many people ask how we are doing and laugh when they ask how we are sleeping; really I feel like we are doing good though. I do love being a mom, we have such a sweet little boy. He is a pretty content baby - there haven't been many moments where he is just crying and we can't get him to stop. Usually if he is upset and I'm trying to figure it out, it is because his tummy hurts and as soon as that gets fixed he is happy again. I would say that yes I am more tired but no I am no exhausted. I'm still trying to figure out how to manage our new house though. I'm getting the essentials done but some things are more challenging cause they can't be done one handed (cleaning the bathroom, moping, cutting chicken!)

Anyways, we love our boy - he is amazing and I know that this experience has already challenged me so much to grow into the mom I'm called to be....
Duet.6:5-9 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

I've also seen my sinfulness more and more. When I'm am physically tired then I am more likely to give into the temptation to speak unkindly/harshly or get angry/irritated. I've been asking myself the question, "What is it that I desire most right now?" God has been showing me that usually my answer is "I desire to be served instead of serving others right now. I don't want to think about anyone else and I want what I want." Yeah, I know, it's BAD! But that is the truth of my sin and I'm thankful that God is helping me to see this and I do want to change it.

Well here are some videos and pictures of the lil man :)

I can get my own paci!


My mom is SO funny! (He was smiling even more before I got the camera out)


Sweet boy:


This is what amuses you when you are a month old:



This is what Grammy was up to while she was here:

coexist

I took a trip out while Nate and Silas were at home hanging and on the way home I drove behind a car with this bumper sticker. My mind was just plain puzzled by this....My initial thoughts 1. don't we already coexist? 2. Aren't you slightly confused by the professions that each of the people represented by these symbols claim? 3. I'm pretty sure male/females are needed for any of the other groups to exist so seems strange that it is even a group....looks like they just needed that shape!

Like I said, we already coexist but I think what the sticker is implying is that we 'get along' and basically let each other be; let everyone choose what works for them. That sounds good but it's silly! If you take the time to look into the religions- they can't all be right! Someone is wrong because the doctrines are conflicting. It would be smarter to spend time investigating the claims made and which one actually has evidence to back it up rather than spending time walking around the bumper sticker store carefully selecting the sticker you will place on your rear! Random thoughts, I know....

There must be a bumper sticker store, right? I've seen some strange stickers and I'm convinced there must be a secret store that sells them because I have never seen them in any stores I've been in!

Grammy and Gramzy

Grandmas are fantastic! I love that they have been here to answer my questions - even if I ask the same one over and over! And to cut my food up or encourage me. We love grandmas in this house! Right now I'm listening to patty cake and some random song about "Uncle Matthew" LOL Debbie will probably be embarrassed that I wrote that but it's too cute not to mention.
I'm just gonna put up pictures - I don't feel very clever right now so I hope you enjoy these :) (I'm working on posting a video so check back soon!)

Gramzy (grandma Z) showing off the guns it takes to hold up the gummy bear:

Snuggles with Gramzy:


Grammy with the grandchildren:

All smiles:


Silas and I with the Moby wrap - I think this is going to save me once Grammy leaves. He stayed in it last night for about 40 minutes just staring at me or relaxing :) Look how sweet he is!


Father and son:


Punkin:


Snuggling with Twiggy


My friend Kathy who is 3 months pregnant, we are SO excited for her and Kyle. We were excited when they first told us but now I know what the end result is like and I can't wait for their baby to be born! I was more curious about my pregnancy and then I got excited when we knew we were about to meet Silas but I am EXCITED for their baby cause it is awesome to be a mommy even if there is pain involved and a different sleep schedule. I look at Silas and I just smile sometimes 1. because he is so cute and sweet 2. he's a real human being! I get to watch this little guy grow up from this lil 8 lb ball of jello arms to a man the size of Nate who will hopefully love the Lord. Awesome!


My buddy and me:

Baths are supposed to be peaceful!

Mandy came over and rescued our son from the wrath that was our technique. He enjoyed all except the drying off part but no one likes cold air on them! Check it out :)



Silas making friends with Twiggy. "Hey, I'm a pretty cool dude, we should hang out"


All snuggled up:

Spreading Peanutbutter One Handed

Combo of pictures from around the house and bath time:

The title says it! That's what I'm learning to do! It was probably the ugliest piece of peanut butter toast I've ever seen but I was starving, Nate was asleep and Silas was awake. Hmm, I probably should have taken a picture of that! Since getting home from the hospital I feel pretty good. I've been able to sleep much more without interruptions and in our own bed. It's really strange to look across the room at your husband and baby in 'their' bed while you lay in a separate bed! Nate has been as helpful as he can - running errands and continuing to fix things around the house plus catching up on school work - or at least trying but he loves to hold Silas and it distracts him a lot. As much as he wants to help, really the toughest part is what he can't help me with. He has been really supportive and encouraging though and I am so thankful for such a caring husband.
Pretty flowers from my Nana and Don - Nana was so upset that they didn't send blue and white flowers but I still thought these were so pretty :)

Silas is doing really good, I think - that's kinda what I feel like "I think". I think he is supposed to wake up now, I think he is supposed to be asleep, I think I should change his diaper, give him a bath, try the swing, feed him less, feed him more...and then there are the questions, what exactly does indirect sunlight mean? Why do you put a crib under the window if it is indirect? Do I put lotion on him? Can his cord get wet at all? Are pacifiers ok or will they mess up our feeding? Is this supposed to hurt like crazy when he eats? Did my milk 'come in'? Shouldn't I know the answer to the last one?! LOL And of course...is Twiggy ok? Aw poor little Twiggs has a hard time sitting next to me now cause I always have a boppy and baby around my waist if I'm sitting.
WE figured out the bathing part last night:


Last night she decided that she was going to snuggle up with Nate all night....just like Silas was snuggled with me. Here is a picture Nate took while I was sleeping with Silas and then one I took in the morning....I didn't even know he took that picture of me!

Anyways, Silas sleeps in 2 hour intervals during the day and closer to 3 hours at night. So at night that means I get 2-2.5 hours of sleep at a time, feed him and then back to sleep. Which seems pretty good to me. Since he has been in the bed with me, he doesn't really cry at night cause I wake up right when he makes his first "I'm awake noise". For those of you concerned that I will roll over on him - don't be! I can only lay on my back comfortably with the c-section so I'm not going anywhere :)

Here is one of Silas' favorite things - our tree swing. He likes to hear the cars go by:

Oh and check out our grass now! What you think of that MATT?! OK ok so today we discovered that half of the 'grass' also has horrible stickers in it. I was in the kitchen and saw Nate walking around outside and he stopped and looked at his feet so I decided to bring him shoes. Good thing I did!! He was in the middle of stickers with them in his feet too and holding Silas! The adventure didn't stop there for Silas. Nate went over to a sprinkler head that wasn't working and started figeting with it, "Nate, you shouldn't do that with him in your arms." BAM! Sprinkler head turned into a glorious fountain! Nate and Silas both jumped and Silas let out a short cry - probably because Nate jumped and he had water on his head LOL I know I know I probably should be freaked out cause he is a newborn and I'm a first time mom but it was funny and especially since I had just warned him not to do it HA HA No picture for that but I can only wish :)

Things are going pretty well I think. I feel like I'm recovering well, my incision doesn't hurt too bad except when I have to get up out of bed. My back does get pretty sore from having to compensate for the lack of abs...Really though the hardest part is just the pain of feeding him. I know that it will get better soon because everything is lined up the way it needs to be- I just need healing powers! Everyone keeps telling me not to do too much and I don't think that I am but I do feel pretty active for just having had a major surgery. Being in the hospital for 4 days not able to do anything but sit inside drove me a little crazy though. Plus I am gonna have stuff every where if I wait for the grandmas to get here! I am SO happy they are coming - they can be my answer books and plus I just miss them. OH a person at the church organized meals for us so we have gotten some delicious food the last 2 nights and it is suppose to keep going for about 2 weeks. WOW! God provides! I'm so glad I can just focus on feeding, picking up and organizing and sleep instead of groceries and dinner! We are so incredibly blessed - I feel like I keep saying that but it's true. We have a God who loves us so much that He made it possible to have a relationship with him and THEN He goes beyond that to provide blessing upon blessing with family, friends and daily needs. Praise God for His never ending grace!

Things I've learned: baby's skin and hair is awesome! No wonder everyone wants to kiss their cheeks! Baby's poop very audibly, and it is awesome! We laugh every time - what happens when I'm sitting in church with him? People are going to offer me Beano! Visitors will have to work around our schedule, otherwise neither one of us will ever sleep. Ice packs and lanolin are fantastic - if you don't know what that means don't ask ;)

Can you swaddle this thing? birth and hospital stay

For those of you who want to know more than his weight and length. This is my experience with a c-section and our little boy. It doesn't sound right to say that I gave birth to him because really all I did was endure a planned medical procedure. I would have loved the chance to experience it otherwise but Silas had different plans for me :)

First let me say that everyone at the hospital was excellent and generally super sweet and helpful. We have only good things to say about them. We got to know a couple of nurses over our stay and 2 of them were hilarious! I'll have to include the low-jack story in here later! LOL And before reading this know that I found the whole process scary! It wasn't a bad experience though -everyone knew what they were doing, well everyone except me which is why it was scary!

We were supposed to go into surgery at 10:30 but I think it was closer to 11 when I finally headed into the room for the anesthesia. The room was so much smaller than I pictured it being. Watching medical emergency shows or even a baby story made me think we would be in a huge operating room but it wasn't so big. Weird thing to notice, huh? I remember thinking ok, I'll get the spinal block here and they will take me to the operating room ha ha ha

Let's talk about the spinal. This was what I was most nervous about. I have never really had any medical procedures done so even the IV was a new experience for me and I hated that Nate couldn't be there to hold me hand. The nurse was really nice though and helped to remind me to hold my position and just let me know she was right there. First the gave me the local anesthetic to numb the area- that burned a whole lot! Not like going to the dentist (I guess I made these expectations without realizing it). Then the anesthesiologist said, "Ok, we are gonna start the block. You shouldn't feel any pain just pressure and movement. Let me know if you feel any pain." Ok, BAM my whole left leg jumped as she hit a nerve. "Oh, sorry. Sorry, is the pain gone?" Did she just say sorry?! Oh my goodness, this doesn't seem normal! Then I felt pain in my hips, then leg, then both...finally she got it and there was no pain.

They laid me back and began to scrub my belly, put the curtain up and then who knows that happened! I thought that I would be numb right away - like pretty instantly but that wasn't the case. It took a little longer. They did a temperature test (eventually I shouldn't be able to feel cold) and a poking test (I shouldn't be able to feel sharp just touching instead). After several attempts at testing me and I'm still feeling things, I admit, I was just plain scared and worried that it wasn't going to work and they would have to put me under. Nate was there finally!! And eventually I did go numb. The anesthesiologist was really good at reassuring me that they wouldn't start anything until I was comfortable. She even said to Nate, "She is really nervous, I can see it. It's ok though." My teeth were chattering at this point.

They worked away and I really just felt a lot of pressure and pulling. I thought I could feel Silas move but it was just my stomach muscles twitching. I could feel them press on Silas' head as they pushed him out and I knew he was just about to be in this world. They announced that it was a boy and then you're baby is here! Out came the tears as Nate jumped up to go see our son and nurses worked crazy fast all around him. I could see Nate's tears falling and him taking pictures and I caught a glimpse of Silas' hand. Then he let out a really high pitched squeal followed by a few short, normal sounding cries. I asked Nate if he was ok and he said yes. And then I waited and waited. I heard then announce 8lbs 11oz and his length 21.25 inches. And I thought, well the estimates were pretty darn close (8.9 and 8.12 were the estimates) Nate came and sat down next to me and they brought Silas up to my face so I could see him. It is hard to cry and keep your eyes open so you can see! His face looked so plump and moist and juicy! HA HA HA I know it sounds like a fruit or something but that's the best way I can describe a fresh baby :) I kissed his sweet little check and said hi buddy. I've never felt anything so soft in my life. No one ever told me that babies skin was so beautiful, squishy and soft. Then Nate held him in the chair next to me for what seemed like 30 seconds. His eyes were so full of tears and Silas was just looking around alert. Truly one of the most indescribable moments ever - just plain AWESOME! We have a baby and I know what he looks like and I can touch him - he is gorgeous! They left to go to recovery pretty quick and then I was alone, again.

Then a weird moment happened. I don't really know how to explain this other than it felt like pressure LOTS of pressure under my ribs and like my organs were being moved around (they were btw). The anesthesiologist asked if I needed something for the pain and I could only say, "I don't know there is a lot of pressure." She made the call for me thank goodness! Suddenly that feeling was gone and I had a head ache and was feeling loopy...she turned it down quickly though. She was really sweet and she stayed with me the whole time, holding my hand after that, she could see I was so nervous. We talked about our nephews and that helped to distract me some but I still knew what was being done. From here it was pretty basic - they closed everything up, I said by to the doctor and oh of course they torture you by pressing on your uterus (to make she that there are no clots) but that HURTS people! They nurses were all commenting on how great my incision looked and that it looked like a plastic surgeon had done it. That's a nice thing to hear!!

Finally I went to recovery. We were the only patients so it was very quiet. Nate was standing over Silas in his little plastic crib under the warmer, still fresh with tears. I was so happy to see them and then they brought him over to me. Finally! Ah, relief! I have my baby and my husband and all is well. Nate is in love with little boy for sure! He had said before that he didn't know if he would be baby person and was looking forward to him being a little older but I can tell you that has completely changed! He has even said he doesn't want him to grow and he just loves holding him. Anyways, back to the recovery room; we talked to him and each other about how cute and sweet he is. Attempted to feed him but I needed some other preparations first. Silas was ready to eat though! He was SO awake and content, peaceful. We took pictures and kissed those little checks over and over and I still don't have enough check kisses! And at this point, I didn't care that the spinal or numbing took longer or that I felt that icky feeling in surgery. We are a family and we are together. We are so incredibly blessed!!

Low-Jack story! So every baby has an ankle bracelet on their ankle to prevent babies from being stolen or switched or who knows what else. If you get too close to a certain exit then the alarm will go off and you will hear a voice on the intercom say "Code Pink WIP, Code Pink WIP" This means the area goes on lock down until they can ID which baby it is and where they are, what the problem is. Most of the time it is just that it fell off or that someone whose room is near the exit did something. Then you hear "Code Pink all clear" Well, Silas started to fall off so I called the nurse and she came in, unsnapped the bracelet and put it back on. All was good. THe next time it came off, I tried to just slide it back over his foot but I couldn't really get it. So Nate decided that he had it under control after seeing how it worked. He unsnapped it and put it back on. NExt thing we know, Maddie our nurse tech was in the doorway asking what was going on with the baby's bracelet. "Well it was coming off so I put it back on" "You didn't unsnap it did you?" "Yeah, well, I had to, to get it back on" "No no no no, you don't unsnap it! You call me! Look you got security at your door" "I do? Oh oops" ME: "I told you! Didn't you hear the intercom? We are the code pink!" "Code pink all clear" Nate to Maddie :Hey, can you help me swaddle this thing before you leave?" Maddie's eyes got huge at the fact that he just said "this thing" LOL LOL LOL My stomach was so sore and I was trying not to laugh but we had Chris Kostyk, Jacob, Bailey, and Jody all in the room witnessing the whole thing go down. Maddie did swaddle that thing and he liked it a lot as usual. Maddie ended up coming back the day we left just to say hi and see how we were. I told you the nurses were great!

I have to admit that there is one thing that I can't help but be sad over. That is my lack of faith. My fear overcame me in moments when I could have demonstrated trust in God. I know that He will protect me and is guarding me yet I couldn't focus on that in those really scary moments. This makes me really sad because I want to be able to trust in Christ through every situation - even ones that are completely scary and out of my control. I know I trust for things that are part of daily life...I believe yet I have unbelief or at least my actions show it at times. I can really relate to a bible study message a few weeks ago on Mark 9:14-29 The man believed but was asking for help in overcoming his sinful tendency towards unbelief. Then Christ tells them that the reason they couldn't cast out the demon was because it required prayer. No doubt it was the kinda of prayer full of faith that believes whole heartedly in God's sovereign hand over all situations and that His grace i sufficient in all circumstances. That is my prayer: that the Holy Spirit would be helping my unbelief and that my prayer life would be stronger.